Welcome to mikebell.io

I code and listen to music, powered by coffee and whisky.

I had my second round of CBT today and it went much better than the first round. This time I took a bottle of water with me it gave me something to focus on and stop my hands from getting all weird, it's also amazing how thirsty you get during these things.

The session was focused on a few situations over the past few weeks where I've had issues with anxiety and panic attacks. We identified things about the situations and how I should be dealing with them.

I feel much more positive after today's session and I'm glad that I'm sticking with it, I can see that this will help me and provide me with the tools to help control my thoughts better.

CBT

Today I had my first CBT session. I’m hugely conflicted, I don’t know what I was expecting. My session was just a reiteration of the initial phone introduction. It seemed like a waste of time to me, I’m not discounting CBT at all.

I was given a pro-forma thought journal to fill out for the next sessions (earliest was 3 weeks!!!), I’d already seen this in the initial documentation that I’d been sent so I could have done this in preparation for this meeting rather than the next.

While we didn’t go into anything of substance in terms of CBT I did realise a few key things:

Again it’s been too long since my last post, I seem to come up with ideas and start planning it out in my head only to end up with a rambling nonsensical rant on where I am and what I’ve gone through. This time I’m going to structure it and make sure I get my point across.

Honesty

I’m now a lot more honest, with myself and those around me. It’s vital to where I am that I am honest, it’ll help detect and issues in the future and make sure that I keep those around me in the loop about how I’m feeling. This has become so vital to how I recover as I can no longer hide behind lies and the misconception that everything is fine.

It's been a few weeks since I last posted. I've decided to be frank about all of this, I want to be honest with myself and others. I've found that writing things down helps to organise my thoughts.

My mind is still a mess I don't fully understand it yet, I have good days and bad. I'm still having panic attacks even though I'm on medication. Overall I'm not as depressed though so at least part of the medication is working as it should. The side effects of the medication are finally waning as well which is great as for the first week of taking them it was not pleasant.

Therapy is something I'm looking into and I'm scheduled for September, while it's not great it's what I have to work with.

Hi everyone,

Firstly thank you so much for getting in touch, I'm overwhelmed by the response from people. I'm sorry to say I just can't reply to everyone it may seem odd but it's a lot of work I'm just not ready for.

I've been to the doctors and I'm getting help. I don't know how long it'll take to recover.

The Drupal and PHP community has been a great help in starting me off on the road to recovery. Thank you all so much for the support.

I've never been so scared in my entire life but finally there is light at the end of the tunnel.

I've been suffering from depression and severe anxiety for the past 6 months now. It's costing me my girlfriend, job and most importantly my life.

I woke up yesterday with my heart pounding out of my chest, I got ready for work and then threw up, I felt dizzy and very scared. All because of everything that's going on in my life. All because I've had the worst week of my entire life.

I feel like I've lost everything, I'm emotionally detached from the people I love, I'm unable to concentrate on work. I'm not even sure if people have noticed that I'm stuttering more and can barely string a sentence together when under stress. I'm not the person I was a year ago.

I'm proud to announce a new collaboration between the Drupal and WordPress communities in Manchester to provide a space to contribute back to each respective project. It's a great opportunity to get together and work on the projects that we love while being around like minded people.

The first sprint will be on the 19th July at TechHub in Manchester. You can sign up here - http://www.eventbrite.com/e/drupal-wordp... with lunch provided.

I'd like to thank Jenny Wong (@miss_jwo) for helping to arrange this, I'm really looking forward to making this a long running collaboration between the two communities.

I’ve gone a bit mad on keyboards recently, mostly due to geekhack and r/mechanicalkeyboards. I’ve got the following boards at the moment:

Ducky Shine 3 - ISO - Brown switches - This is a 75% keyboard, it’s missing the number pad on the right side. It’s a great gaming keyboard and the keys feel nice and solid. This has white led backlighting which is quite nice, mines currently setup to pulse when a key is pressed.

Take the following not so hypothetical situation:

  1. Project Lead create user story and adds estimate of 3 hours.
  2. Developers estimate per hours on tasks within user story totalling 6 hours.

Where’s that extra 3 hours come from? Who is accountable for the extra 3 hours the project lead or the developer?

Planning poker helps here but we don’t do it at the moment so we’re reliant on whoever is available at the time to create initial estimates that this isn't going to happen.

All this assumes that we allow developers into the project planning stage (which we really should).

Every time I come to write a new application I always forget how to use PSR-4 so here’s my practical example

Directories:

- src
- - Digital
- - - Epok
- - - - Controller
- - - - - HomePageController.php

composer.json

{
  "require": {
    "silex/silex": "~1.1"
  },
  "autoload": {
    "psr-4": {
      "Digital\Epok\Controller\": "src/Digital/Epok/Controller"
    }
  }
}