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Mike Bell - Blog & Stuff

I'm not ok, are you?

·442 words·3 mins
Mental Health
Mike Bell
Author
Mike Bell

Today is World Mental Health day. I’m not ok, but more importantly are you ok? Please check in on yourself, friends and family. Now is as good a time as ever to say hi and ask “How’re you doing?” (Joey accent optional).

I’m really struggling with my mental health at the moment, I’ve been masking constantly for a few months now and the cracks are showing. This week has especially been hard:

  1. I’ve been ill constantly for a while with a hernia that is pushing the opening of my stomach open causing acid to constantly escape. This is causing my body to create mucus in order to protect itself which in turn is causing me to cough a lot. I’m waiting for consulatation at the moment which will ultimately lead to surgery to fix the hernia.
  2. On Monday night someone through a brick through our neighbours window, I was cooking tea when I heard the smash and saw people running away. It’s shaking up the whole street. In the 10+ years we’ve lived here there’s only been one other problem. I cannot begin to explain how horrible it is not feeling safe in your own home.
  3. On Tuesday I had mini COVID, Monday afternoon I’d had my flu and COVID vaccine and I came down with a fever, I’d only just recovered from my last cold a few weeks ago (of course while I was on holiday).
  4. On Tuesday night I was about to call it quits and go to bed, I was sat on the sofa shivering in full on hoody mode and my dad called me. “I don’t want you to panic but I’m in hospital”. He had all the symptoms of a heart attack and the doctors fast tracked him to York hospital. Many many tests later and he was cleared and sent home. It was hell for about 5 hours while I waited to find out more info. He’s fine now but for the first time in a long long time he opened up about how scared he was, he doesn’t do that.
  5. I’m struggling with work a lot (hi colleagues!) for so many reasons and I keep thinking I’m a constant failure for being off sick and not being able to do a job I really should love.

So yeah, lifes a bit rubbish at the moment. I’m hiding myself in ARPGs grinding away doing the same thing over and over again to keep my head clear and give me a break from myself. Tomorrow is sundaylunch.club so I’m looking forward to that, seeing friends is always good.

Please check in with yourself and others. It’s important.