It’s been about 2 weeks since I was in hospital and things are starting to sink in. Firstly just how serious things got and secondly the trajectory my life is/was taking.
I’m trying to figure out when to go back to work, I’m having more good days than bad days but I’m not out of the woods yet, a new symptom is my lungs are aching when I move, it’s really as pleasant as it sounds. Part of me wants to go back to work ASAP but the other part of me is still trying to come to terms with work and the past 3 months.
I spent the past 3 months living for work, figuratively and literally. When things started to go down hill I was spending all day working and then the rest of the evening lying on the sofa waiting for 10pm so I could justify going back to bed. The process would then rinse and repeat for 5 days a week until it got to the weekend and I’d just rest up ready to go back to work. I want to work to live not live to work.
Not working isn’t an option I have to support my wife and cats so I’m feeling lost. I’m 100% sure that my attitude towards work was what made things worse, not the job itself (this isn’t about the job or people). I put work first and suffered for it. My behaviour isn’t going to change over night and I don’t even know how I would even start.
I’ve just finished up writing a “Statement of Suitability” for a promotion at work, yup even though I’m off sick. I’m not one of those people that won’t ever go back to work I love what I do and I finally believe I’m bringing value to millions of people whether they realise it or not. Part of me is not sure whether to submit it now, a promotion brings with it more responsibilities arguably some I’m already doing.
Again I’m feeling quite lost by it all.