“You did it proper.”
Consultant
Adding to my list of things I never want to hear again.
Those words were proceeded by my consultant showing me the images of my chest and the two bright white spots that were the clots that nearly killed me.
Recovery isn’t easy, the physical side I can handle I can’t do as much, my chest hurts, my chest hurts more in cold weather. I’m on medication for the rest of my life now which is fine. Mentally is a lot more difficult. I’m not doing well I’ve always struggled with trauma and how I deal with it (spoiler alert: I don’t). I’m now at the point where I’m balanced between barely functioning and full breakdown.
The good news is I’m getting help both physically and mentally, the downside is that the physical side takes months to sort out and I’m still waiting for important tests. On the mental side I’m in therapy but that will be ending soon, it’s been so important and useful but it’s left me rawer than ever.
My life is a lot different to this time last year and I’m not sure I like it but I have to move on and get on with things. I’m dropping down to 4 days a week at work, it’s important that I balance health with work something I’ve never really done. My ME/CFS is still there and it’s even worse than ever now I’m not sure how I’m going to deal with it but it’s on the list.
I’m not ok but hopefully I will be.
(I’m also full of cold but one thing at a time)