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I’m tired, I’m exhausted. I’m mentally fucked. I had my first “official” appraisal today and I still can’t shake the feeling that I’ve fucked up. That I’m not good enough and everything is my fault.

Since moving to a new house I have an proper office for the first time so I’m determined to get it right. I asked on twitter what remote workers would suggest, here are the results:

I fucked up and I fucked up badly. A few months ago I went cold turkey on propranolol (against all feedback) and after a few weeks the side effects went away and I was fine.

I have a finite amount of energy. My energy comes in a few different forms, all important to how I feel on a day to day basis. I find myself applying energy in the wrong place now. Energy that I put in often doesn’t yield the results I expect or frankly deserve. I’ve found myself questioning more of my decisions recently and the outcome of that has been eye opening to me.

The past three weeks have been crazy. Week 1 - Barcelona Week 2 - Packing house Week 3 - PHPNW Now - Moved in So lets just recap, I keynoted at Barcelona, packed up my flat, spoke at PHPNW and then moved house the day after.

For a long time I wanted to contributed code to Drupal, I have a few times but no where near as much as I thought I was going to do.

This week I’ve found out I run a ridiculous amount of chat apps. Here is a run down of what I have on my macbook: Hipchat - for work Skype - for dad and freelance work Airdroid - for my phone Pidgin/Adium - for hangouts, mostly to contact Hannah and Eli Slack - for NWDUG community Limechat - for #drupaluk and #phpnw Steam friends - not often used All these apps fall into specific categories; work, social and play. It seems very excessive.

This has taken me way longer to work out than it should so I figured I’d write this up so people can use it while they wait until Rocket League comes out for linux.

Conference season is looming pretty fast, I’m giving talks at two of my most respected conferences. Being able to talk is a great thing, I love the fact that I can do it what I don’t like is the afterwards. It’s an odd time, the adrenalin is fading and tiredness overwhelms me. I usually spend the rest of the day (or what’s left of it) wandering around taking questions and attending sessions. In the evening there are usually parties so I attend them in the hope of catching up with old and new friends.

Status: Failish I seem to have been all over the place today. Didn’t really get chance to focus on something for more than 5 minutes. Went to nwdug though and I remember why it’s such an important part of the Manchester Drupal scene.